memories of a gender confused scythe boy [entries|friends|calendar] scythe_boy1 [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

what to say... [19 Dec 2006|08:36pm] ok.....well ive kind of got nothing to say , i mean ive got lots to say but really no feelings to put on this little blog of mine. i cut my thumb open today pretty badly post comment

developing a case of whimsy [18 Dec 2006|01:34pm] [ music | system of a down----= byob ] i dont know. i havent been feeling myself. i did somethign on a whim and it worked, but that doesnt sound like me. maybe all my time spent working has led me to develope a case of whimsy. i feel odd inside. for the first time in over a year, truly i feel different. its like something went away. maybe tha rain ootside has washed away my sorrow. ill never know. but i feel good. post comment

hello [16 Jan 2006|05:41pm] [ mood | cold ] [ music | blitzkrieg bop ] why it has been a while. well im getting sicker and im feeling much more like hayate from naruto each day. school is going. applying to schools soon but so far away well to you little sister hope you reply so i can know how your doing post comment

meh life is life [27 Nov 2005|10:41pm] [ mood | restless ] [ music | mercy me-alkaline trio ] its been a while...ok people i feel horrible...i feel sick and i cant help my good friend out. i went to lazer quest friday hoping to spend tim ewith kimi and my frieds but my friends baile don me and kimi had her bf...so in the end i was left all alone sitting in the cold for over an hour...all i wanted to was talk to her..school is interestin....boring and interestin....i dont really like my engish class...damn snoppish ap kids...why am i not good enough for kimi? i must be a horrible person for her not to wanna see me at all..i try being her knight but it fails..my home life sucks...........i need a real family....something to believe in i guess...faith is just a word but belief builds on it...i belive i love kimi so i will try harder...the lotus of bristol wll become stronger or de trying... 1 comment|post comment

meh [07 Oct 2005|08:10am] [ mood | contemplative ] [ music | helena- my chemical romance ] i feel better. my chemical romance is happening in like 9 days and cant wait. hopefully ill be able to meet cori there. its funny cori was the things that i thought about before i went to bed the other day. i have a 92 in pre cal and an 81 in anatomy and phisiology. yippie and in my ap classes horrid grades that are going up.... so yeah hopefully i meet cori 3 comments|post comment

why [03 Oct 2005|07:02am] [ mood | crushed ] [ music | suicide is painless ] why is life worth it all. why not just commit suicide. its nt that hard just a little gash would do and then no more pain...... why cant you talk to me anymore what the hell is wrong with me. i loved you, i really did. now i cant trust anyone. youve ruined my already shitty life. i hope your happy. i hope youhave fun with your life. its not even worth it is it, to me it is. you were one fo the few people to meet me and see me for who i was. i am nothing, i am death i am a punisher. thats my role in this life. brett isnt even alive anymore he hasnt been alive for weeks. i feel like a fucking shell to house this pain. why cant i die, others have. what damn purpose do i hold in this forsaken world? am i really to unite? who the fuck cares i want to become a doctor. when i finally get my degree then, i can do as i please. be able to save the lives to redeem for the ones i lost. i have no life. there is only a shell 2 comments|post comment

blurg [18 Sep 2005|10:11pm] [ mood | calm ] [ music | kona yuki - asian kung fu generation ] man life is so boring. things with kimi arent looking much better than last entry. i visited skyler's college and i like it. im goign to visit again i liked it alot. i made friends with paul and it was a fun experience. th rooms are small but cool. im beginning to liek this girl rachel. not sure why but shes cool. i really dont know wat i ant in my life. i wanna be a doctor so i can help those who cant help themselves. but int he end ill just nd up liek faust the 8th my love will be killed when we are happiest i know. why is everythign so boring and easy yet intricate and hard. its going to cost like 300 dollars to send out my applications to schools. i narrowed down to 5 i wanna go to. mass college of pharm, uconn, st josephs, sacred heart and boston university. awww good times indeed 3 comments|post comment

fuck life [11 Sep 2005|01:41am] [ mood | depressed ] [ music | swing swing swing ] all my life is endless pain. im nothing. the person i care about most wont ven answer me anymore and i loved her. i believed i truly did. but never will i know. i stuck by your side because i felt whole around you, just seeing you smile. it feels like a hole as ben ripped into my black heart. alienated from all i thought i found a partner in you but no. you gave me false hope. now its the only thing i truly have lost is hope what am i the man in black? jesus of suburbia? no im just a scorn person who feels like dying or getting amnesia to forget a certain person 1 comment|post comment

so tired [18 Aug 2005|09:36pm] [ mood | sore ] [ music | wake me up when sept ends ] yo what up my friends? i havce just gotten back from nyc and boston and i am tired.i missed talkign to kimi alot and i really wanna hold her hand and meet her. shes so great and i am feeling happy but tired but its a new thing for me these days 1 comment|post comment

[16 Aug 2005|09:30pm] [ mood | calm ] [ music | swing life away ] wow. i feel so much better. i like a girl kimi and she is possibly one of the cutest girls i have ever seen. hen we talked t felt like i had known her for so long, its wierd. well im feelign rather well today so chip chip cherio 6 comments|post comment

why meeeee [15 Aug 2005|10:11am] [ mood | numb ] [ music | hurt-johnny cash ] i gave you all i had, you could have it all. i dotn want it anymore, ever damn dream ive held onto is rubbish. why keeping holding onto them? god damn it i hate it all. why cant i find the person for me. i begin to feel very attached but int he end you will never care about me more than just a friend. why, hy must you do this to me. i like you so much but in the end its nothing. i sat by yourside when you were hurtign but whos there to sit by me. am i going to die in the end? 3 comments|post comment

pissed off and what not [21 Jul 2005|05:24pm] [ mood | sad ] [ music | boys dotn cry ] ok so im kind of pissed off. at who you may ask myself. i am just goign to ramble on because i am unimportant and worthless to this damn world where i am no ones. i am just so depressed these days, i am always there but never it seems will i be the people who i likes special person, i am just a friend thats all it ever seems. well i dont want that i want to be more i want to feel. you dont now how i feel i know ou say you do but you dont. i amno ones friend im just hre for your amusement and to be hurt so much more over time. i hate it, i hate it all. i put myself through mental and emotion torture just you could have soemoen be there and not be alone whiel your friends left. i esih for so much more i hate living and i hate the word love. why is it i had to see it, why coudltn i just avoid anime. i fuckign hate it all but im tied doen because of what i love. why cant i be normal, but if i was normal would it be worth loosing all i hold closest to my heart, i dont kno wnaymore i just want someone to love me i guess. to know i am not alone and to know that someone wishes to talk to me and care. 8 comments|post comment

arg [05 Jun 2005|09:04am] You scored as Cultural Creative. Cultural Creatives are probably the newest group to enter this realm. You are a modern thinker who tends to shy away from organized religion but still feels as if there is something greater than ourselves. You are very spiritual, even if you are not religious. Life has a meaning outside of the rational. </td> Cultural Creative 75% Romanticist 63% Existentialist 44% Modernist 44% Postmodernist 44% Materialist 38% Fundamentalist 31% Idealist 25% What is Your World View? (updated) created with QuizFarm.com this makes sense i guess, always dreaming for a new tomorrow and tryign to fix thew world. not really sure though since im really depressed at the moment post comment

quizes more of them [08 May 2005|10:39am] You're a very mellow, care-free person. Your exactly what calm, cool, and collected mean. You never overreact or panic in a bad situation and you always know what to do. Everyone goes to you for advice because you never lose your head so your very reliable. You tend to take everything in stride, like in school your moto is just sit back and relax not to say you dont pay attention and work, but you dont overexert yourself. Even though people come to you for counciling(sp?) you can still be very quite, your not good with making new friends, but your extremely close to the ones you have. Remember its ok to put your emotions out there even though there is a chance they might get hurt. Also in school sometimes its good to stress out a little, just because you think you dont need to study doesnt mean you should'nt, and also try to push yourself more even though you might be good where you are doesnt mean you can,t be better. Check out my new short story. Whats Your Personality(with PICS) brought to you by Quizilla Methos Which Highlander Villian are you? brought to you by Quizilla post comment

i am the spirit of sadness [08 May 2005|10:19am] [ mood | rejected ] You are the Spirit of Sadness. Deep pain and sorrow lie within you, betrayal, jealousy and rejection rule your life. You cannot make friends as you are too scared at the prospect of being hurt again and you can't take that risk. You wish more than anything to have a steady person there who loves you unconditionally but you are too scared to find them. Which stunning spirit of emotion are you? NEW AND IMPROVED! (amazingly beautiful anime pics!) brought to you by Quizilla yep so im a truly sad person T_T You are the 'regular' teen. Don't worry, alot of people will get this result. However, you set pretty high/low goals for yourself...and you believe you are the only one in the world. But, there are alot of people with your attitude. You tend to wear regular clothing, or you are forced to wear colors you don't want to. (such as your mother always buying you pink / blue clothing) Sometimes you feel horribly lonely and want to hide, but as always, you find something to give you reason to continue. You can either hate or love school, one opinion please. Never fear, you are not one of a kind...and that is kinda nice to hear, since there are other teenagers out there with your exact view on life. You could get a job as an author, Teacher, editor, architect, buisness owner, or administrator. Good luck in life, and don't forget that no one is ever alone. What type of teenager are you? brought to you by Quizilla looks like im just a regular teenager going through my angsty worlg Your Heart is Grey What Color is Your Heart? brought to you by Quizilla You are Heroin (aka: smack, dope, brown sugar...). You are the most dangerous drug between all other kinds. You are bold, deep, dark, mysterious, have your own world. You are classified as class (A) illegal drugs. What kind of Drugs are you? and how that reflect your personality? brought to you by Quizilla post comment

bahhhh [25 Apr 2005|08:40pm] [ mood | bored ] [ music | one U2 ] this is all so bothersome. why is there even a pee bucket if were not going to use it. im so bored and school is getting too easy. cmon challenge me someone. can i truly become such a great man as im tol di can be if im too bored to even do my hw. this is coming fromt he total slacker who is litrally a lazy genius. too bored to care. that i am post comment

bitter sweet symphony [13 Apr 2005|08:33pm] [ mood | depressed ] [ music | bitter sweet symphony ] i am not long with liz. T_T, i am really alone at the moment and im so sorry liz for everything, i just cant be there for you like you deserve 1 comment|post comment

the one day shall come [06 Apr 2005|09:42pm] [ mood | apathetic ] [ music | with or without you ] i am kind of tired. i really need to sleep. i havent gotten 5 hours of sleep for a week. im dying slowly of sleep defervation 1 comment|post comment

hells bells mate [05 Apr 2005|09:53pm] [ mood | pissed off ] [ music | ac dc-hells bells ] ok i am totally pissed for no reason at all. maybe it seems like im being called selfish by certain people. and love isnt coming to me. and im feeling rather pissed off at the moment because i am really depressing right now. my hand hurts, maybe its because it was the hand i used to pull out the dagger from my back. one day there will be one one person to overcome one person to blow your fucking brains out with a sawed off barrle shotgun i bet you thought it would be sappy didnt you. muhahahahaha. well bye for now 3 comments|post comment

sad [29 Mar 2005|10:06pm] [ mood | gloomy ] [ music | vindicated dashboard you know whateber ] ok so i am feeling really sad today. i went to go have fun but for some reason when i was there i just broke down,. i cant seem t get happier and the longer for affection really hit me when i saw my 2 friends together it really made me hurt inside and i cant take this damn pain anymore. i dont give a damn if people flame me but this is how i feel. why do i have to feel so alone and why cant i see the truth infront of me. am i so revolting i turn people away and do i deserve not to be able to feel the embrace of human contact. why o why must i feel this drilling pain in my soul. my soul might be a darkened soul with nothing but evil but i do still feel pain. it hurts alot and why cant i see my happiness. am i meant to have no happiness at all. is it all just a memory. am i reall alive or did i die and am looking for an excuse to stay here. am i reall so afraid of change i would keep myself like this and hurt myself just to watch other couples or are together and see them ecstatic. no i dont want to see them;. ive been hurt too many times. i just wish for what i cannot have 8 comments|post comment

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